The funniest article

I think 'the' is the funniest article. What isn't made funnier by referring to it as a specific instance or item when that's completely unnecessary.

For example, in reference to a particular location. Say the bar is called, "Novaks." There's no particular call for saying 'the' Novaks, but it's a lot funnier: What are you doing tonight? Oh, we're going to the Novaks even though the crowd is so rude.

Specifying 'the' just brings out any particularly strong feelings you may have about a person, place, or thing without having to voice them definitively.

Try out the 'the' and see how it can work for you!

Single mothers, a sign of the apocolypse?

I was reading an article in that ever favorite column of mine, Broadsheet, reviewing/reaming an article on what I've decided may be a least favorite site, Slate.com. The Slate article, . . .And Baby Makes Two, is an obscene indictment of single mothers who choose not to marry the 'baby daddy.' I wanted to post my own response to the article for those of you who may not read the Broadsheet yet.

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Vile, foul, and disgusting.

I can't believe that Emily Yoffe could write, let alone believe, the pablum that was published about single motherhood. First of all, since much of the country has escaped the era of pregnancy being more shameful than murder, the ideas this article espouses are terribly outdated. Secondly, in the United States, birth control is openly available, if not free to those who would request it.
To suggest the one responsibility a woman has is to choose only to have sex with a man who would make a good father is ludicrous. Her choices begin with contraception, followed by choice of mate and choice of sexual activity. Then, should she possibly be pregnant, many states still respect her ability to choose early contraception. And barring all other circumstances, she still has the right to decide whether to have a child at all. And these are only the choices of the woman involved. Are we truly so sexist as to reduce all men to walking sperm donors, unaware of the consequences of their actions?
Aside from the ridiculousnous Yoffe spews about pregnancy, she clearly has no perspective on the current sexual climate at all. Becoming pregnant is by no means the worst outcome from unprotected or accidentally unprotected sex. Aside from the obvious bomb of HIV/AIDS, I would argue that herpes lasts as long, or longer than the responsibilities of having a child.
And finally, For Ms. Yoffee to rant and rave about young women's lack of personal responsibility presents a sexist and bigoted perspective on sexual politics. I feel that it is akin to saying that one should not have sex with someone who is not responsible enough to care for us if we become infected with HIV/AIDS by having sex with them. Clearly, we all make positive and negative choices regarding our bodies, but safer sex is the first step on the way to limiting unplanned pregnancies. Blaming a woman who doesn't want to run out and plan a shotgun wedding gets us nowhere except for firmly in the saddle of our high horse.

So, about the sex part. . .

I was reading this piece on monogamy from the Salon.com's Broadsheet column (a personal favorite), and had some thoughts.

People continuously argue about whether humans are 'meant' to be monogamous. I am a biologist and I do believe that we are animals and basally driven to preserve our own genetic heritage and to relate intimately with others of our own kind. That being said, I also believe that unlike most animals out there, we have highly developed, discrete communication skills. We have spoken language and written language. We have a plethora of conduits for both: face-to-face, phone, snail mail, e-mail, and even (heaven forbid) texting. If you feel the urge to spread that genetic diversity around, you can pretty easily share that information with whatever partner to which you are partnered.

So, I don't think the problem is that we're all constantly at odds with millions of years of evolution/natural selection. I think the problem is, that once we've decided (oh, yeah, there's that free will thing too) to merge, we allow shame, guilt, selfishness, and/or awkwardness to keep us from simply fessing up. Perhaps if we could all hold ourselves to the higher of our animal traits, that is communication, as opposed to our lower, being the urge to satisfy our sex drives, relationships could flourish and grow or be ended in a fashion slightly less devastating than feeling like you've been drowned in a vat of boiling nacho cheese.

Regardless of the reasons for cheating, be they genetic or personal, it's going to happen, period. Maybe we should all stop bitching and moaning about how people respond to cheating (such as Ms. Spitzer) and concern ourselves simply with treating each other better under circumstances where infidelity has occurred. The cheater has a basic human responsibility to take ownership of the behavior. The cheatee owes it to him/herself to absorb the situation, learn, and proceed in the manner that leaves the fewest psychic scars whether it be staying in the relationship, or moving on. As for the rest of us, we mostly need to mind our own business and be there to listen to what the parties involved have to say since no amount of our judging, preaching, coddling, or shunning can change the actions which have occurred.

Private Languages

So here's to being punched in the adam's apple and spanked by my daddy.

How can I possibly resist the charms of men who wear dresses?

The Last Five Years

I've been trying to figure out how to best express my feelings about the upcoming five year anniversary of the war in Iraq. I feel anger, sorrow, sympathy, horror, and untold other emotions. But, when I received a message from Rev. John Thomas, The United Church of Christ, my head felt clear. He included a prayer written by Rev. Yousif al Saka, an elder in the Presbyterian Church in Baghdad. The prayer encompasses all of my sincerest desires, not only for the Iraqi people, but truly for all of creation.

I was not raised in a tradition of reading composed prayers. We would shoot from the hip and speak as we felt led. But as I grow in my faith, I realize that prayers are just like all other words. Sometimes we choose them far better after thoughtful meditation. And, just like other words, the words of a prayer have strength which can be enforced by repetition (recall the teacher who said over and over again: this WILL be on the test.) I want to save the words of this prayer and make them available for anyone wishing to both express sorrow and yearn for hope in this world where we may feel out of control.

Here is Reverend Yousif al Saka's prayer:

We beseech You, we humble ourselves for the name of our Savior Jesus Christ,
to send your Holy Spirit to shade the land of Iraq,
so that peace may
prevail in its dwellings, and the acts of violence, kidnapping and persecution
may cease;
so that the displaced may return to their homes, the churches may
reopen their gates without fear from shells and explosion;
so that smiles
may be seen again on the faces of children that have been stolen from them here
in this difficult time;
so that the elderly may lean back on their chairs in
comfort and tranquility saying farewell to their children when leaving for
school or work without anxiety or fear;
so that mothers think only of happy,
prosperous, and peaceful futures for their daughters and sons.

O Lord, have pity on us, we Iraqis. Let the light of
your face shine on us, bless us, strengthen our belief, and bestow patience upon
us.