Um, do you wanna hear something funny?

I figure I should note some funny events even though everyone I talk to has heard about them a million times. I could always hit my head and forget about my auspicious background : )=

My car broke down months ago. It was a '91 Geo Prizm, so I was not shocked when, right after dropping a couple hundred bucks to fix the ignition, both the exhaust and radiator become completely defunct. I was carless and seeking employment. I worked at a barely above minimum wage job within walking distance of my house. Finally, after numerous circular (read: agonizingly frustrating) conversations with my pop, he sent me money to buy some new wheels.

I searched CraigsList and decided to check out a 1986 Crown Victoria for $500. Got a ride to check it out and settled on the massive tank-of-a-vehicle. My reasoning was that V8 engines run forever and I don't do mass quantities of driving anyway, so what the hell if it's gets less than hybrid efficiency. First of all, we had the longest stretch of slick, icy, freezing weather which caused my new baby to drift terrifyingly about lanes of traffic. Secondly, I was stupid and decided to wait a week to get the car checked out. The first sign of trouble was an incident with overheating. Since I was at the store, I bought antifreeze (and oil, just in case I was low) and topped off the radiator.

Then, a couple of days later, in the midst of helping a friend put together a benefit, it happened. I was 'running' through the Jack-in-the-Box drive through to pick up food for a hungry queen. The cash registers were down. Can you feel the tension mounting? I sat in the drive through and the car started to smoke. Having driven my share of POS cars, I fidgetingly cursed and wiggled in my seat with no way to get out of the line. I was just blocks from my destination, so I hoped to limp there and deal with 'Princessconnie' later. As I rolled down the drive through lane and into traffic, she died. She died in the intersection. Thankfully I was facing uphill, so I dropped the gearshift into neutral and rolled to the curb.

I gave 6-8 feet of berth to fire hydrant on the corner and made sure I wasn't blocking a bus stop. I then hoofed 4 or 5 blocks in my party dress and heels. I didn't even check under my hood, because you never check under the hood of a recently overheated car. Well, the event went off without a hitch. As for the car, she no longer resided on the corner when I went to get her in the morning. I called the police and found that I was guilty of leaving a burning car on the side of the road. What kind of ass leaves a burning car on the side of the road? A few hyperventilating, sobbing, hours later we picked up the car and had it towed to a lot where I pocketed $75 from my $500 investment.

I then had to contend with the 4, that right, FOUR tickets left on my windshield. Two were for improper registration. No problem, I'd only owned the car for a week. As for the other two tickets. One was for parking less than 15 feet from a hydrant and the other was for abandoning my vehicle. So, if you ever plan on your car catching FIRE in the city of St. Louis, you need to remain in the vehicle and distance yourself as far as possible from any FIRE hydrants. Oh, well, I bought a bike (then became incapacitated in my right knee and a month later in my left foot). But those are stories for another time.